Beautiful Days!

Vin has been so amazing, I have had the biggest smile and the feeling is more than wonderful. I feel like our relationship is better than ever. He means so much to me and I'm glad that finally we are happy together. It just takes 2 people to make things work they way we both want them to work out. :D I am looking forward to a merry life together.

He took me to the beach the other night and it was so beautiful. I had so much fun and it was just nice to be able to do something together for a change. It really allowed us to get some emotional feelings out and we got to know a little more about each other in the process. To me that is really important to keep a relationship going. Its important for me because I want to "know" the person I am in love with, more than just what kind of food he likes, his favorite movies, books and what he wants to do with his life. I know he doesn't like whole fruit but I want to know about his friends his family. all the important stuff in his life.

Lykke Li

I love this girl

It feels good to just let it out.

For years I have been hurt by people, and sadly enough I have really let that effect me and my personal life. It really shows, I have a hard time opening up to people anymore because I have been let down so many times that I just can’t trust anyone. I can’t trust my family, I can’t trust my friends and most important I can’t trust the person I love the most. Its not his fault. I blame myself for letting other people effect my life in such a negative ways. I have never really done this before but I think it will help to let go of all the anger I have for certain individuals one at a time. Holding it in day after day only makes my life at the moment worse. I want to move on and I want to be happy I want to trust my boyfriend. and I want to learn how to trust other people. At this point of my life I’d rather be alone then have friends. Its a sad story.

My Mother - I blame her for neglecting me as a child, constantly leaving me alone and making other people she never knew take care of me. I blame her for taking my father away from me and putting me in danger of her ex husband who rapped me and beating me for 2 years of my childhood. I blame her for my anything but normal childhood. I have had to deal with so much that no child should ever have to deal with. I have seen so many things a child should never have to see. Which has made me the person I am today. A weak, insecure, broken girl. Witnessing Physical abuse, rape and verbal abuse is never a great feeling and it always stays with you. I have watched people beat both myself and my mother. I have watched people come into our home and strip her down naked and do drugs right in front of me. I have had to live in homeless shelters and foster care. and I have had to go through all that on my own. I hate my mother for sleeping with my ex boyfriend while I was out of town taking care of her mother, my grandmother. I hate her for never being a mother.

My Father - For never being there. My entire life I have had no father, and He should have protected me from everything. I’m his daughter. Most people have no idea what it is like to not have a father. and how it really effects my life everyday.

Jason - I blame him for taking control over my life at such a young age, I blame him for not letting me have friends, a life, taking over my money and I blame him for hurting me. He cheated on me in our home in our bed. I hate him for god i hate even saying this, but raping me anally while he was drunk forcing me down on the bed. I hate him for not letting me have a phone. I hated him for not letting me have a life.

Jalend - I blame him for Constantly lying to me, hiding things from me, and neglecting me with videos games and being fucked up in the head by telling me that his video game characters were more attractive then I will ever be. ::laughs:: I blame him for telling me that I was fat everyday at the weight of 90lbs. I hate him for always giving everyone else attention and making me stay in the bedroom by myself.

Denni - I hate myself for dating my best friend of 3 years. I hate myself for being stuck in denial for so long thinking he was the best thing I ever had. I focused way to much on the good days rather then the bad ones. I hate myself for being so blind to him. Our friendship before we dated was amazing, We were both vegetarians, loved wrestling, nature, liked going to hardcore shows. etc. we got along perfectly and we talked me into dating him.. I knew it was the worst idea ever. He got so needy and because of that he backed away from everything, that's when it all started. Brandi C came into town, I was not allowed to go out with them and he didn't come home that night. I really don't wanna talk about this anymore.

Colin - I hate Colin for hiding text messages from me, for pushing me up against the wall. Telling me to shut up all the time, Him telling me I am stupid. He was just an idiot. I hate him for cheating on me with Ashley

Ellen - For having sex with my ex every time I was not at home, then trying to be my friend. I found pictures of them together that Jalend tried to hide I knew something was going on. I hate both of them for lying to me for a year about it. She was suppose to be my best friend. We did everything together. I have not had a good female friend since.

Mel & Katie - People I really trusted as friends, and them turning on me for no reason at all. Judging me, hurting me with words, accusing me of being a person I am not. I have over come a lot in my life and they decided to use that against me in a negative way. FUCK THEM. They don't know who i am or who i can be. They have meaningless lives and I'm glad i am not apart of it anymore.

When these people tell you they love you and they only hurt you. How am I suppose to trust strangers? Everyone in my life that I have been close to have hurt me. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I want to be acknowledged as a person. I want someone to understand me and I want people to be nice to me. I'm fragile and I deserve to have good friends, and I deserve to have the best boyfriend. One that UNDERSTANDS the struggles I have been through growing up and the challenges I have faced as being a young adult in these types of past r'ships. I have NEVER had it easy once in my life, and Unless you have walked through my life in my shoes you will never fully get it but at least fucking try. I have a good boyfriend now he just doesn't think about a lot. Like last night he picked up the menu and ordered food without offering me to order anything cause I said I wanted boneless wings that did not mean I didn't want anything at all. Or putting all the house chores on me. he can't seem to get up and do anything his self its obvious that it needs to be done. the trash, the room, the dishes, etc. He needs to get out of the habit of “my mom did everything for me.” Cause, no offense but I work my ass off 40 hours a week. I should be able to relax too. Its stuff we should share as a couple living together.
He is aware of my needs but yet doesn't quite come through, Makes promises and doesn't follow them. I would be completely shocked if one day he just started rubbing my back without me having to ask, or the house was clean out of no where, If he complemented me like he use to, Just looking deep into my eyes, telling me how much he loves me again. He has lost sight of it all, and I don't know how. Its heartbreaking but there is only so much I can do and say with out driving him away from me completely, that or driving myself away from it all. JUST BE THE PERSON I MET MONTHS AGO.... nice, sweet, caring, affectionate, Take me for a walk, or take me to a picnic, these are all things he once was and or is more then capable of doing, Just care about me, I am his girlfriend. We talk about it and for about 2 days he is awesome and then it fades back to the person who can't acknowledge that I'm in the room. UGH! give me consistency. I deserve it..

Ohhhhh MAN they went too far

Dress up the Trollsen Twins at peta2.com!

PETA PROTEST AGAINST MY MARY-KATE..... and ashley

The Socialite’s Life got an exclusive response from someone close to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen about their feelings on the PETA attack that was launched yesterday,





According to their source,

They aren’t phased by the attack on them from PETA. They’ve always come under fire for their fashion style, so the PETA attack doesn’t surprise them at all. They find it sad that PETA has put all of their time, money and resources into this attack on them and many other celebrities along the way, when they could be focusing on doing some actual good for animals.

"No one would argue that Mary-Kate and Ashley could use some meat on their bones, but the last thing they need is hair on their backs," PETA's Assistant Director of Youth Campaigns Dan Shannon said in a statement.

MARY-KATE IN NYLON....

The high highs andlow lows cooment.. Is she implying she has bi-polar disorder or are these some of the scars of anorexia she carrys with her.. I can’t read the part where she i stalking about it specifically but i’ve seen a few of her body issue interview questions where she has made comments about having good and bad days that can be one after the other but not pin-pointing if she means in life in general or just in relevance to her body..

Ps. Just so you know.

The new Rilo Kiley s like a really bad thrown together pop album and thats really sad coming from the girl who LOVES Jenny Lewis but Unfort. I was into Eisley's (Combinations) more. There are maybe 3 songs off under the black light that i actually like.

Frown Town.



(The Money Maker)
$$$

THIS YEAR IN MUSIC... 07'

W O N D E R L U S T

TROY M. LITTEN


pHOTOGRAPHER.

Such Lovely Images

HAPPINESS

I CAN NEVER GET OVER HIS LAUGH


Jon Livtz
Always a boring act but quick with a comeback. Finally a statement.
"IM Champagne, YOU ARE shit."
This is happiness the story of People, Personality, Perceptions, The thought process, The truth, and daydreams of murder.

2 of the most AMAZING people in the world.

MIRANDA JULY.......
Miranda July is a filmmaker, performing artist and writer. She grew up in Berkeley, California where she began her career by writing plays and staging them at an all-ages club. July’s videos, performances, and web-based projects have been presented at sites such as the Museum of Modern Art, the Guggenheim Museum and in the 2002 and 2004 Whitney Biennials. Her collection of stories, No One Belongs Here More Than You, was published in 2007 and won the Frank O’Connor International Short Story Award. Her fiction has been printed in The Paris Review, Harper’s, and The New Yorker. In 2002 July created the participatory website, learningtoloveyoumore, with artist Harrell Fletcher, and a companion book will be published by Prestel this fall. She wrote, directed and starred in her first feature-length film, Me and You and Everyone We Know (2005), which won a special jury prize at the Sundance Film Festival and four prizes at the Cannes Film Festival, including the Camera d’Or. July recently debuted a new performance at The Kitchen (NY), and is currently working on her second movie. She lives in Los Angeles.

JONATHAN CAOUETTE

Armed only with a cheap video camera, consumer editing software, troves of home movie footage and less than $300, Jonathan Caouette made Tarnation, an experimental documentary about himself and his family. Gus van Sant and Jonathan Cameron Mitchell have championed the film, and Caouette’s already received more A-list festival invites than he knows what to do with. Andy Bailey investigates.

A product of the Houston suburbs, Caouette grew up in a family rife with dysfunction and mental illness. His beauty-queen single mother, Renée, floated in and out of hospitals battling schizophrenia while Jonathan was raised by his grandparents, whose own questionable sanity is examined at length in Tarnation. In one painful scene, Caouette films his grandmother, poststroke and toothless, rambling with a speech impediment. “As I approached my teens it became more of a compulsion to do it,” Caouette said of his urge to capture the darker aspects of his family’s plight on video. “I wanted to film my grandmother — she was really kooky and not like the other grandmothers. I wanted to film my mother. She has schizophrenia — she’s kooky too. It hit me like a brick wall in my teens that I was going to make this movie. And I was still making it up until about a year ago.”

Caouette stopped documenting his life after a devastating change in Renée’s condition — she suffered an overdose of lithium — prompted him to shut off the camera and start the editing process. By then Caouette had relocated to Astoria, Queens, to an apartment he shares with his boyfriend and mother. “I started using iMovie because it came with my boyfriend’s computer and was simple as hell [to use],” Caouette explains. Tarnation’s press-release-friendly budget can be itemized as follows: $149.47 for Hi-8 tapes, $33.57 for VHS tapes, $10.27 for a camera adapter and $25 for a pair of angel wings employed during a musical reenactment of Blue Velvet that Caouette once staged during his high school years. (The home computer was a gift to Caouette’s boyfriend.) Thus far the film has only been exhibited digitally at film festivals — a 35mm print would require additional production funds. But Tarnation’s major stumbling block on its laborious path to theatrical distribution isn’t its raw, home-movie quality but clearances for the music, which includes everything from Sinatra to moody numbers by Nick Drake and Low and which are crucial to the work’s sentimental veneer.

It’s ironic that a film originally created for less than the price of a plane ticket now has to obtain thousands of dollars in music clearances in order to move forward for distribution,” bemoans producer Stephen Winter in a recent interview. “But Jonathan’s amazing choice of songs is part of what makes Tarnation so extraordinary. Our goal is to retain as much of the music as possible without breaking the bank. If Paris Is Burning can get through this process with all those rare house tracks intact, we certainly can do it.”

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE.

Im seriously tired of constantly hearing about every step britney makes. who fucking cares shes a human being. if someone had their eyes on you at all times you'd fucking be crazy too...

Unknown Hinson...

UNKNOWN HINSON.
VOICE FOR THE SQUIDBILLIES AND A COUNTRY WESTERN TROUBADOUR

<3

Vintage Vampire!! & Other Japanese Stuff!

The 60's are wonderful... This is a clip from a show called Vampire (Banpaiya),






& an awesome video..
I wanna live in japan..

I love Pandas <3

Big guys love pandas too!


Birthday Baby!


Ruff!

Music blog.

-Tori Amos


-Feist


-Cocorosie

WILCO DOLLS.

what has the world come to?
I need these in my life.

WE ARE THE EARTH INTRUDERS

I've seriously had the best day ever. Nothing went wrong.. almost perfect
and now this to top it all off.



I HAVE THE NEW BJORK SINGLE. here
http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=11C386F813B626FA

Swedeplease..

Can we talk about swedish music for 2.4 seconds..
god its clever and cute! more people should really be more open to other music thats around them. folk, indie, indie pop, music from the 30's through the now! its all great
if you really dig old music check out the "ghost world soundtrack"

Bjork - Volta Artwork

She gets more and more interesting with every cd. I have been waiting for this album to come out for sometime now.. Of course the second it leaks im grabbing it.. but When it hits stores ill make the purchase as well just because its her. Shes amazing, shes raw. I have her music video collections on dvd as well as her documentary along with the medulla dvd and im really excited about where her and Michel Gondry go with things this time assuming they work together.. which they have almost every album so i wouldnt see why not. The time is slowly ticking down until its out......

Realease date : May 7th, 2007
and in other news check out the cd package... why wouldnt I pay $30 cash dollars for this.. its more then worth it already in just looks alone

Acccck im so excited.

My American Hero.

Jeff Tweedy.

So talented,

He was originally influenced by punk and country music, but has recently reflected more experimental themes in his music. Much like Daniel Johnston who is also one of my other fav. men in music Tweedy has also been diagnosed with clinical depression and is prone to panic attacks.

His music is so calming with great lyrics to back everything up. Makes me want to sit outside on a porch watching nothing but the sky, smoking cancer, and to think about life.

A skin you call home & your lungs cant breath when your alone.

Lying emotionless on your back, you want whats yours but you cant have it back. Maybe I want what was never there. people try to understand then they vanish because they dont get it. Well I guess thats just it. For you to be safe and me to be brave we dont have to walk down that isle. People wont take the risk, the chance, theres to much possibility for pain, confusion, theres to many options out there for our youth to become stable. "Now that everyones dead we can finally talk."

Get what you deserve, you better spend it well.


-Everything is mixed up everything is odd. I find myself to be stuck in this hole. A hole that at first I didnt know why I was there.. First I stopped going out. then after that I slowly stopped hanging out with all my friends. I wasnt happy. there was something missing. I was bored. I got really depressed at first then after a million lonely nights (a million as in a month) I realized I was trying to find myself out there.. and I did. I use to be the person to crave attention, I wanted everyone to like me. I cared deeply what everyone thought of me. and that shit dosent matter at all. I dont need that in my life. I dont need anyones approval.. I have my own. People do so much to try to impress eachother its sick and I saw way to much of that when I moved back to Orlando. sometimes I really wish I could just move back to Chicago. I know I wont but the people there are really gen·u·ine

(gen·u·ine) - possessing the claimed or attributed character, quality, or origin; not counterfeit; authentic; real: genuine sympathy; a genuine antique.

Im really being picky on who I choose to spend my time with these days i'd rather be by myself... one person who I would loved to spend every moment with is gone now. My best friend I love him. the only person I knew who was true even if he didnt know it. I hope he finds what hes out looking for. I act like im never going to see him again and I guess thats my own guilt coming out for how horrible of a friend I was to him when I came back. this time I guess I took him for granted. before he felt he did that to me I guess everything got switched up. I know that we will make visits but im really gonna miss having him within reach. now I guess its mixed cds with funny art on the cover packaged in some funky paper thats stamped and post marked.

The girl who collects shells.

They want you to sink. but you stood up and swam.

Play.list

Andy Matinez - My name aint Sonny.
The Felice Brothers - Roll on Arte.
Devon Sproul - Lets go out.
Jim Bryson - Clear the crowds.
Arrah and the ferns - Emo Phillips.
The Shivers - Beauty.
The Felice Brothers - Ladyday.
John Southworth - Life is unbelievable.
Luke Temple - Saturday People.
Trainwreck Riders - Christmas time blues.
Marnie Stern - Every single line means something.

High strung, cat got your tounge

Its out of my control

The Modern Age.

Besides having a killer tooth ach 2 days in a row now, I've found my happy place deep within myself. I've been letting everything and everyone around me bother my emotional system and It really started to tear me down. I let go of that happy fun person I know I am. Stress and heart ach usually breaks me at the seams. I've always been this girl who cared about everything and everyone.. what "he" was going through, what "she" had to deal with.. but on top of it all I started worrying about what I had to go through and deal with. which is new for me. I've always just blocked that part out. but I've realized that Im a very important part of my life and the way I live it. Unfort. I need to step away from a few issues thats making me sad. I need to stay positive in order to have a good outlook on life.

I've always been told that i'm a very negative person and I always blamed that on what I had to go through as a child and I never tried to see things in a positive outlook or change i've only held on to the past and used that as an excuse. So for the past year i've been thinking about everything in positive light but i've mixed in "high expectations" with that so its been very confusing. So when im let down, because I was way to excited and positive about something it sucks. My friend told me the other day to "always go into something with the worst outlook, so at the end your not disapointed" but dosent that make you a bitter person who just dosent care about anything? thats not me.


ps. Mary kate is small but adorable.

Thank you: David!

So cute.

The sad, lost, and lonely girl

In true attempts to find someone just to spend time with and laugh with hasnt been very easy, rather it be a friend or a boy. Im not sure what it is im doing wrong. People are constantly telling me how funny, pretty, and creative I am but in the end the results are blank.
The past few weeks i've held myself back from people, mainly staying to myself and going to work.
i've also attempted to spend time with a boy which ended fast. it usually does.
I dont know whats going on with me. I just want to be close to someone.
I feel like im losing myself again. Im really good at picking up and moving forward but all the fast pace rejection of life is starting to get to me.

I started taking my medication again a week ago and its been treating me just fine, but one side effect is (eating) I have no desire for any food products. I probably havnt eaten a full meal in days. I eat maybe once a day if that and its not much.
Before I moved out of my old place which was about 2 weeks ago I was 116 and at work i weighed myself and I was at 107.
I tried to force myself to eat last night which worked for the most part but I just felt sick. Sleeping wasnt easy last night either. I layed down for 3 hours and just read out of the Andy warhol diarys, I finally got myself to close my eyes but I jus tossed and turned all night.

Too many sad events have happened in the past week for me to be ok.
-My best friend is moving to NY in less then 3 weeks and there isnt much time to hang out before he leaves.
-My ex.boyfriend/bestfriend since I was 15 has lost himself again through drugs and i just want him to be okay but theres only so much I can do within the distance. I dont mind being the emotional support system for him I have been for years I just wish he would move closer. it would be much easier.
-My ex.girlfriend is depressed currently by her now ex girlfriend who was taken away by the cops after hitting her because shes shooting up drugs and baby jenn found out that she was being un truthful to her for some time now. I dont like the fact that someone i adore greatly was hit by her partner. abuse isnt apart of love.
-My job wont let me be part time because im still weak in some areas but yet im told I have great energy on the sales floor and Im #1 in sales for the store. :/ that dosent even make sense to me.

I thought to myself last night that this would be perfect oppertunity to be creative. Usually when I get really sad im able to come up with some great stuff. but I just sat there with tears and a blank mind.

& we'll become.

Don't you ever wish you could collect every single thing on earth that inspires you, put it all in a scrapbook, and just live there forever?

If you ever need a stranger.

The thought of people run through my mind today and it makes me sick to my stomach. Mainly the thought of how often people are untrue to themselves and others. claiming to be a friend.. but in all honesty they are not. they hide who they are behind drinks at a bar downtown. dancing and smiling.. but that only lasts for a few hours.. what about the rest of the time. what about the rest of our lives?

Dont they ever get sick of the same shit week end and week out.. there are so many other ways to have fun and develope REAL friendships.. out of the hundreds of people i know... id say i only have maybe a few good friends. maybe 5. Be real people.

On a side note. I walked outside today and the air felt like summer. I wish I could sit in the grass all day and just talk to a stranger. We would talk about obsession of true love and simple pleasures.

Fuck me pumps

Sometimes I just wanna be a Gangsta from the 70's. Life would be a lot easier then.